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Disneyland 2003, Day Five: A Theme Park With A Theme

Today was spent at Disney’s California Adventure. We’d visited California Adventure once before shortly after the park opened and my only lasting memory of that visit is of the Superstar Limo ride, the lameness of which was absolutely breathtaking. In it, you would ride in a garish cartoon limousine through a garish cartoon Hollywood as garish cartoon plywood cutouts of ABC TV stars leapt out at you.

“Look! It’s Regis Philbin, host of ABC’s hit show Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? I wonder who the next millionaire might be. You can find out by watching Monday nights at 8 o’clock, 7 Central.”

“And look over there! There’s that wacky Drew Carey, star of the hit ABC comedy The Drew Carey Show. Drew and his wacky friends can be seen Tuesday nights at 9 o’clock, 8 Central.”

Mercifully, the Superstar Limo is no more.

Another problem with the park back then was that it was very kid unfriendly. There was just nothing for young kids to do. Mercifully, that problem, too, has been remedied. Not only have they added a terrific Playhouse Disney Live show, but they’ve opened a whole mini-park within the park called Flik’s Fun Fair.

While the rest of Disney’s California Adventure is a “theme park” in only the loosest sense of the term, Flik’s Fun Fair (based on A Bug’s Life) is exactly what a theme park should be. It has a theme and it follows that theme down to the tiniest of details.

For instance, Tuck and Roll’s Drive’Em Buggies are located under a discarded umbrella and decorated with Christmas lights and the contents of someone’s purse.

Tuck and Roll's Drive'Em Buggies
Tuck and Roll’s Drive’Em Buggies

Flik’s Flyers are made up of Chinese take-out, Snack Pack, animal cracker, and raisin boxes.

Flik's Flyers
Flik’s Flyers

Shade in the area is provided by towering clover.

Under Cover of Clover
Under Cover of Clover

And The benches are made up of used popsicle sticks.

Popsicle Stick Benches
Popsicle Stick Benches

Even the landscape lights fit into the theme.

No. 2 Pencils
No. 2 Pencils

It’s brilliant…and another sign that the best stuff coming out of Disney right now is really coming out of Pixar.

Disneyland 2003, Day Four: We Rode The Ride Piratical

One of the reasons we decided to come to Disneyland when we did was because my sister and brother-in-law were planning on being here at the same time. With their one-year-old son, Henry, in tow and a daughter, Isabel, who falls somewhere between Zoë and Emma on the Fraidy Cat/Fearless scale, I knew that if the collective was deadlocked over any rides, we could exploit them on occasion to break the deadlock.

Isabel Arrives to Break the Deadlock
Isabel Arrives to Break the Deadlock

So, today we were able to switch off so that those who wanted to go on the scary rides could, while the those less willing could stay behind and/or go ride it’s a small world until that wretched tune could etch itself into our brains for all eternity.

As expected, Emma “loved, loved, loved” Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. It instantly became her “first most favoritest ride.”

Her First Most Favoritest Ride
Her First Most Favoritest Ride

Zoë, meanwhile, shocked everyone by suddenly deciding to go on Pirates of the Caribbean and ended up loving every minute of it…to the extent that it even displaced it’s a small world as her “first most favoritest ride.”

(I’m not exactly sure when the phrase “my first most favoritest ride” weaseled its way into our theme park lexicon. I’ve tried for three days to whittle it down to “my favorite ride” or even “my most favorite ride,” if they must, but there is no getting rid of it.)

As for my favorite ride, I’m with Zoë on this one. As far as I’m concerned, there is no ride in the world that can compete with Pirates of the Caribbean. I have a terrible long-term memory, but that ride had such an impact on me as a little boy that I have never forgotten it. The thrill of the first drop, the noble futility of the skeleton pilot still trying to steer his shipwreck through the howling storm, the almost certain destruction of our tiny boat by an errant cannonball, the drunkenness, the recklessness with which the pirates brandished their firearms. It all seemed so…so…unsafe. But safely unsafe.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me…

Disneyland 2003, Day Three: The Collective

Lesson learned: When visiting a theme park as a single parent with young children, your great power as a decision-maker and tie-breaker is taken from you the moment you walk through the gate. You are, from that moment on, merely part of a collective. When there is a decision to be made, it must be brought before the collective. If all members of the collective do not agree on a particular decision, then no member of the collective may enjoy the benefits of that decision.

If one member of the collective decides that Pirates of the Caribbean is too scary, the collective does not go on Pirates of the Caribbean. If one member of the collective decides that The Haunted Mansion is too scary (even though it is in its less-threatening The Nightmare Before Christmas mode), the collective does not go on The Haunted Mansion. When you are part of a collective, you tend to go on it’s a small world quite a bit.

The Collective Buys Hats
The Collective Buys Hats
The Collective Waits In Line
The Collective Waits in Line for it’s a small world (For the Third Time)

Disneyland 2003, Day Two: The Kindness of Strangers

We were making good time until we hit Las Vegas, where we got caught in the flood of California gamblers who were returning from their Fabulous Las Vegas Weekends™ and who, based on the aggressiveness of their driving, had lost a lot of money. So, halfway across the California desert, we needed a little break and allowed ourselves to be lured from the highway by the promise of “The World’s Tallest Thermometer!”

In my mind, I pictured a gigantic depression-era scientific instrument with 18 gallons of mercury rising and falling with the desert heat. Instead, we got this:

The World's Tallest Thermometer
The World’s Tallest Thermometer Baker, California

Pthhht! Then again, if we hadn’t been lured from the highway under false pretenses we never would have seen the dilapidated splendor that is Arne’s Royal Hawaiian Motel:

Arne's Royal Hawaiian Motel
Arne’s Royal Hawaiian Motel Baker, California

Shortly after getting back on the highway the traffic went from bad to worse when we were brought to an hour-and-a-half-long halt by a seven-car pileup on I-15 between Bartow and Victorville.

But, in spite of all of the obstacles, we still made it to the park before sundown. Barely.

Finally There
Finally There (And a little glassy-eyed…)

Fantasmic! didn’t start until 9:00 p.m. but at Disneyland people start saving places for the shows and parades hours in advance. Having spent the last seven hours sitting in the car we didn’t feel like sitting for a few more waiting for the show to start, so we went on a few rides first. Then, at about 7:45, we headed over to the show area to try and find some acceptable seats.

After looking around for a while, we settled on some stairs that were off stage right. They weren’t going to be ideal seats, but they didn’t look bad to me. But just after we sat down we were approached by Bob. (I call him Bob because he reminded me of a shorter version of Bill Murray in What About Bob?.)

“Would you guys like to sit closer to the show?” asked Bob.

<blink, blink> “Um, sure…” I replied.

“I just ask because you guys are in the worst possible spot for this particular show. You’re not going to be able to see anything from here.”

(So much for my seat-picking abilities….)

Bob continued, “We’ve got a blue tarp down in the front with plenty of room. You’re welcome to come sit with us if you’d like.”

I hesitated for a second trying to figure out why a total stranger would make such an offer, but I finally said, “What the heck…” and we followed Bob down to what were surely the best seats in the house.

Apparently, this is what Bob does. He comes to Fantasmic! four hours early, sets up a tarp, front and center, and then invites random people to come down and experience the show with him.

You could tell that Bob was a regular because all of the other regulars on the front row knew him by name. In fact, at one point, one of the Disneyland “Cast Members” came over and asked, “Hey, Bob, do you have room for two more?”

“Sure,” said Bob, the epitome of hospitality. “Send them down.”

So, there we sat: A Korean family of five, a Hispanic couple, me and my girls, and my brother-in-law, Sam, and his daughter, Isabel. Strangers on a blue tarp. All enjoying the show from the perfect vantage point. All thanks to Bob.

Disneyland 2003, Day One: The Maple Bar

Well, we’re about half way to Disneyland and we’ve stopped for the night in St. George, Utah, famed in song and story as the home of Cafe Rio, the best Mexican grill on the face of the earth. We had quite a pleasant drive down in “The Maple Bar,” the new name for our car this trip. The girls had a farewell brunch at IHOP with their Mom right before we left and the thick, sweet aroma of maple syrup was so strong it was fogging the windows.

Our Intrepid Travellers
Our Intrepid Travellers

The girls kept themselves busy in the back with their coloring books and the new Barbie of Swan Lake DVD. We also spent a great deal of time talking about what rides we do and don’t want to go on when we get to Disneyland tomorrow.

Emma, our quiet, cautious, careful daughter has an inexplicable fondness for horrendously scary rides. Since she was three, she has been longing for the day when she would be tall enough to go on the Indiana Jones Adventure. She missed the height requirement by one-eighth of an inch the last time we were there and she carries still the scar of that most bitter of disappointments.

To prepare her for the ride, which is really quite amazing, I’ve explained the basics of what she’ll experience, but I’ve refused to divulge exactly how the car avoids being crushed by the huge rolling stone at the end of the ride. She quizzes me almost daily:

“Does the car crash through the rock?”

“Nope.”

“Does the rock bounce over the top of the car?”

“Nope, not really.”

“Come on, Dad! Tell me what happens!”

“Nope….can’t. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Emma’s not the kind who likes to “wait and see.”

Meanwhile, Zoë, our wild, fearless, and physically reckless daughter has a deep and abiding distaste for anything hairier than the Flying Dumbos. It takes quite a bit of coaxing just to get her on Mr. Toads Wild Ride, which, despite the name, isn’t even that wild a ride. As far as Zoë is concerned, she couldn’t care less how the car avoids the huge rolling stone at the end of the Indiana Jones Adventure because she has no intention of being anywhere near the vehicle when that moment arrives. She plans to be sitting safely outside, anticipating the exquisite thrill of “It’s a Small World.”

We’re planning to get to the park by late afternoon tomorrow. In all of our trips to Disneyland, we’ve somehow missed Fantasmic! (note the ever-compelling exclamation point) every time we’ve gone, so tomorrow is the big day. We’ll be in our places at 9:00pm when the “magic!” begins.