Tiny Pineapple

ananas comosus (L.) minimus

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    • 100% Customer Satisfaction

      “I watched as my little Customer Service Assassin made her way systematically through the park, looking for anyone else who had the gall to be displeased by the lack of facilities. And after the summary execution of about a half-dozen more urine-engorged malcontents, there wasn’t a single dissatisfied customer in the park…”

    • South Pass

      In which I make the argument for button fly jeans.

    • Colin Ithn’t a Firth-Rate Kither

      “The director appears to have pulled Mr. Firth aside and said, ‘Look, Colin, your agent just called to remind us about the ‘no mandible movement’ clause in your contract, so in this scene just try to keep everything else moving, OK? Open and close your jaw, turn your head from side to side, clutch her skull in ever-more-awkward ways. Just do whatever you have to do to disguise the fact that you kiss like a haddock…’”

    • Sign of the Apocalypse #242: Farting Teddy Bear

      “So cute, so cuddly…so surprising! Hilarious! He just can’t help himself! Press the remote and he farts! Guaranteed laughs for everyone!”

    • O Pioneer Day!

      “Last night, children throughout the state lay in their beds, desperately trying to stay awake in hopes of catching a glimpse of Brigham Young flying through the dusky desert skies in his covered wagon, bearing pioneer gifts for all the good boys and girls of Utah…”