Tiny Pineapple

ananas comosus (L.) minimus

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    • Colin Ithn’t a Firth-Rate Kither

      “The director appears to have pulled Mr. Firth aside and said, ‘Look, Colin, your agent just called to remind us about the ‘no mandible movement’ clause in your contract, so in this scene just try to keep everything else moving, OK? Open and close your jaw, turn your head from side to side, clutch her skull in ever-more-awkward ways. Just do whatever you have to do to disguise the fact that you kiss like a haddock…’”

    • Family Photos 2008: The Rest

      “We finally got the rest of the photos from what Zoë still refers to as ‘THE COLDEST PHOTOSHUTE [sic] IN HISTORY.’ And, just like the first batch, they came out beautifully…”

    • 100% Customer Satisfaction

      “I watched as my little Customer Service Assassin made her way systematically through the park, looking for anyone else who had the gall to be displeased by the lack of facilities. And after the summary execution of about a half-dozen more urine-engorged malcontents, there wasn’t a single dissatisfied customer in the park…”

    • Dear Veer: Britney Called. She Wants Her Shirt Back…

      “After washing the shirt in cold and drying it on low (which is even more cautious than the tag recommends), I now have a fantastic, fitted belly shirt that any adolescent girl would love. Unfortunately, I’m not an adolescent girl…”

    • Sign of the Apocalypse #242: Farting Teddy Bear

      “So cute, so cuddly…so surprising! Hilarious! He just can’t help himself! Press the remote and he farts! Guaranteed laughs for everyone!”