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    • The Island of the Colorblind

      “‘So,’ I ask, ‘when you explain to your new ‘friends’ why we got divorced, what exactly do you tell them?’ And the words come, well-rehearsed, as if she’s reading from a brochure…”

    • Organus Prime

      “While I was sitting in the Conference Center yesterday, I saw something. And now that I’ve seen it, I can’t stop seeing it…”

    • 100% Customer Satisfaction

      “I watched as my little Customer Service Assassin made her way systematically through the park, looking for anyone else who had the gall to be displeased by the lack of facilities. And after the summary execution of about a half-dozen more urine-engorged malcontents, there wasn’t a single dissatisfied customer in the park…”

    • Sign of the Apocalypse #242: Farting Teddy Bear

      “So cute, so cuddly…so surprising! Hilarious! He just can’t help himself! Press the remote and he farts! Guaranteed laughs for everyone!”

    • Family Photos 2008: The Quilt

      “It was cold.
      It was very cold.
      We knew it would be cold.
      We didn’t know it would be that cold.”