Let’s get one thing straight, people: The pineapple is not a toy. Just look at this description of the pineapple plant’s foliage:
“The long, pointed leaves are 20-72 in. in length, usually needle-tipped and generally bearing sharp, upcurved spines on the margins.”
That’s not a fruit, that’s a weapon! Yet look how blithely The Pineapple Girl holds her spiky namesake. Oblivious to the hazards, she beams at the camera, not realizing that one of those pointed, needle-tipped, sharp spines is about to puncture her cornea.
But that’s not all…
Toxicity
Workers who cut up pineapples have their fingerprints almost completely obliterated by pressure and the keratolytic effect of bromelain (calcium oxalate crystals and citric acid were excluded as the cause).
The recurved hooks on the left margins can painfully injure one.
Mitchell and Rook (1979) also restated earlier work on “pineapple estate pyosis” occurring in workers who gather the fruits, probably an acarus infestation with secondary bacterial infection.
Angular stomatitis can result from eating the fruit.
Ethyl acrylate, found in the fruits, produced sensitisation in 10 of 24 subjects “by a maximisation test.” Ethyl acrylate is used in creams, detergents, food, lotions, perfumes, and soaps.
In “therapeutic doses”, bromelain may cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, skin rash, and menorrhagia. Watt and Breyer-Brandwijk (1969-1979) restate a report, unavailable to me, of unusual toxic symptoms following ingestion of the fruit, heart failure with cyanosis and ecchymoses, followed by collapse and coma and sometimes death (Duke, 1984b).
Purdue University
Center for New Crops & Plant Products
So, Pineapple Upside-Down Cake: “Topsy-Turvy Treat” or “Dessert of Death?”
8 Comments
Maybe this [genuinely really cute] young one has her own circus act. Like the guy who swallows swords or the folks who walk on hot coals or lay down on beds of nails. She dances a traditional hula while skillfully evading the Spines-O’-Death and deadly chemicals, then closes the act by cheerfully embracing this toxic monster.
By the way, I have personally experienced the superior exfoliating qualities of this fine fruit. Haven’t you ever noticed that after cutting up a fresh pineapple, your hands are about as soft as a baby’s bum. You do feel like your fingerprints are gone.
I’ve thought many times about making a rejuvenating facial mask by blending up some of the leftover pineapple pieces. But after reading this I’ve decided that I’ve grown rather attached to my lips and eyelids, and would prefer that they remain intact.
What a delightful list o’ pineapple traits. I’m armed with enough facts now to write a best-selling whodunit in which the murderer (who works graveyard shifts at the Dole pineapple plant) nearly gets away with it!
Only when the police call in mild-mannered botanist/detective Miss Maple do they find their man. With her keen, observant eye, Miss Maple recognizes in a suspect the tell-tale characteristics of pineappleworkeritis: angular stomatitus, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, skin rash, menorrhagia, and absolutely NO FINGERPRINTS! Oh wait. He’s a man. Strike the menorrhagia. Or maybe she’s a cross-dressing, murderous, pineapple plant worker. Hmmmm. . . .
It would seem that “The Anarchist’s Cookbook” missed the part about pineapples removing fingerprints. Neat-o. Hey, maybe pineapple is what really killed the Russian spy, and not radioactive polonium 210.
Glenn said that on his mission in Puerto Rico/St. Thomas USVI the missionaries were lectured regularly about not gobbling down too much pineapple precisely because of all the aforementioned hideous side effects of said tropical gluttony.
PPK
ames: No, no, NO! You missed the perfect chance to insert a nurse into the plotline.
“The doors to the emergency room were flung wide as paramedics carried in the first of the pineapple plant’s casualties. Young resident Jim Trent ran to the still woman’s side, a frown of deep concern creasing his broad brow. He bent over her limp, lifeless body to scrutinize her pupils, her pulse, the mysterious rash raging up her arms.
No sooner had he done so when the doors were again cast wide as nurses and doctors alike rushed into the ER bearing victims two and three, who thrashed in obvious agony on improvised stretchers.
Nurse Abigail stared for a moment, confused as to which of these obviously desperate cases most needed her deft attention. Then she shook her head briskly and murmered under her breath, “Come on honey, don’t doubt yourself. Remember what Grandpa Joe said to you just before he died: “When in doubt, JUST DO IT!”
With that Nurse Abigail ran towards Dr. Trent and the lifeless figure before him. He looked up into her eyes, his own steely with determination, and muttered, “I’m afraid she’s beyond our help. But I will not let these other patients die! Help me, Abigail. You’re the best nurse we’ve got, and we need you. I need you.”
Etc., etc., etc…
Dang. I’m good.
I’ve changed my mind. Notice the messed up quotation marks, and the use of “doubt” twice in one sentence.
But I still really like the last line.
I think you’ve all missed the boat on this one (though in a most entertaining way).
The Pineapple Girl is an alien. She is impervious to the various pineapple wounds and conditions because she is from the planet Ananas Comosus MAXIMUS.
I’ll explain this in more detail later. I’m imagine that you cannot wait.
I think you’ve all missed the boat on this one (though in a most entertaining way).
The Pineapple Girl is an alien. She is impervious to the various pineapple wounds and conditions because she is from the planet Ananas Comosus MAXIMUS.
I’ll explain this in more detail later. I imagine that you cannot wait.