All right! All right, already! Yes, it’s true. I went on a date. Yes, a date. Well, it was really just lunch…and we met at the restaurant…and she was there under duress. But it was lunch…with an unmarried female…in public. That counts, doesn’t it? Is everyone happy now? Can we all move on?
<silence>
No, apparently we cannot. At least not until after the debriefing. But we got home late again tonight, so I’ll warn you right now that I’m not going to have time to finish this tonight. You’ll have to content yourselves with just the events leading up to the date for now.
The Background
Some people may find this hard to believe…OK, people who don’t know me may find this hard to believe, but even though I have been divorced for almost four years now, I have not been on a single date in that time. There are many reasons for this…none of which I’ll go into right now…but suffice it to say that I have been waiting for the right combination of opportunity, motivation, and energy before I made my move.
Now, I know people are going to ask what I mean by “the right combination of opportunity, motivation, and energy,” so let me give you some examples of situations that might have accelerated the dating process:
Jennifer Anniston moving into the ward.
Finding accommodations in an apartment complex that also serves as temporary housing for stewardesses.
Keira Knightley finally returning my calls.
Global nuclear annihilation.
I am as shocked as anyone that none of these very plausible scenarios panned out. (I had my money on #3.) But if fate doesn’t intervene, what can you do?
The Setup
Well, for one thing, you can get set up on blind dates by well-meaning friends. But I learned very early on that if you say “no” to one blind date, you have to say “no” to them all. Otherwise, you end up with this…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: I heard that Blind Date Facilitator #2 is trying to line you up with someone.
Me: Yes, she is, but…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: But when I tried to line you up with , you said “no.”
Me: Yes, but…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: Well, if you’re going to let Blind Date Facilitator #2 line you up with someone, then you have to let me line you up with .
Me: But I’m not letting…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: I can’t believe you’d go out with someone that Blind Date Facilitator #2 wants to line you up with, but you won’t go out with someone I want to line you up with.
Me: But I’m not…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: You know, I heard that Blind Date Facilitator #2 once lined someone up with an ex-convict. Is that who you want to go out with? Ex-convicts?
Me: No, of course not, but…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: Well, if you won’t let me line you up with , then you probably deserve to go out with ex-convicts!
Me: Now, wait just one minute here…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: You’re not good enough for anyway! I can’t believe I even considered lining you two up. You’re not worthy to kiss the ground walks on.
Me: I don’t think I’d want to…
Blind Date Facilitator #1: See if I ever try to line you up with someone again, you…you…EX-CONVICT DATER!
Then, the following day…
Blind Date Facilitator #2: I heard that Blind Date Facilitator #1 is trying to line you up with someone…
So, my answer is always, “No, thank you.” But this time, my friend Debbie (who, unsurprisingly, played a Jewish mother in last year’s production of Fiddler on the Roof) wouldn’t take “No, thank you,” for an answer. I don’t remember the exact course of our conversations last week, but they went something like this.
Monday
Debbie: I want to line you up with my sister-in-law. She’s flying in this week for a family reunion.
Me: No, thank you.
Tuesday
Debbie: She’s really cute.
Me: I’m sure she is. No, thank you.
Wednesday
Debbie: You can at least go out to lunch with her.
Me: No, thank you.
Thursday
Debbie: Why won’t you go out to lunch with my sister-in-law?
Me: Because, trust me, she has better things to do with her time than go on a date with me. No, thank you.
Friday
Debbie: You’re just being dumb. Lunch isn’t going to kill you.
Me: I’m not being dumb and I never said it would kill me. I just said, “No, thank you.”
Saturday
Debbie: Look, she’s only in town until next Wednesday, so if it turns out to be a lousy date, you never have to see her again. Will you at least think about it over the weekend?
Me: OK, OK! I’ll think about it.
Monday
Debbie: She’s really looking forward to your date tomorrow. She likes Chili’s. What time should I tell her you’re going to meet her there?
Me: But I didn’t say “yes!” I said I’d think about it!
Debbie: Well, it’s too late now. How about one o’clock?
Me: But…
Debbie: One o’clock it is!
So, there I was at Chili’s at 12:55pm.
And that’s where we will pick up the story tomorrow…
13 Comments
Joy is me when I knowledge each gifts of Jobber’s Odd Lot live in forever with Happy DElight, so the snow is in the gentle flowerss of the cherry tree about the blossom not dead freezing it.
P.S. Grettir, it is time to admit once and for all that Keira Knightley is NOT in your skill set – SORRY – I meant age set (and that is NOT an insult). Legal or not…
Jennifer Aniston? She is SOOO not Kate Beckinsale. Or Claire Forlani.
Okay, I am now reading this soap opera.
But the characters are unbelievable. I mean, really — an eligible male remaining single in UTAH (hello, people — marriage capital of the world!) for 4 years?! No, no, no. You must give your audience a reason. He’s an ex-convict? He’s missing half his face? Or — dare we suggest such an abberation — he’s a democrat?
Now, the pushy sister-in-law character here seems believable, but I just don’t know about this man-who-doesn’t-date…..
Ah well. I await the next installment.
apaperbackwriter – glad to see you agreed with our suspicion regarding a single man who doesn’t date by CHOICE! (if I was the least bit tech savy I would include a link to http://www.uncommonnotions.com where you can read “The Date” to hear my side – but I am not – so instead of it being one word – we have three lines!) Although – in retrospect… he finally goes on one only to find the girl he is with talks way too much and about subjects he would rather not hear about.. then she proceeds to upset his life by demanding that he post his experience on his blog for all of his friends and family to see. She happens to have 4 sisters 3 of which also comment on the blog anxious to hear the outcome of this date. I do believe the only highlight to this was that the ‘date’ lives in New York. Thousands of miles from this man… so alas… he will eventually have peace again, with a stronger conviction to say, NO THANK YOU!
Dude- are you kidding me. So many words typed and so little said. Get to the point, if there is one.
Dude, are you kidding me? Take a look around! “So many words typed and so little said” could be the slogan of this site.
If, at any point, you’re expecting a point, prepare to be disappointed…
Why, thank you, Kim, but I followed the link and read it yesterday from the comments on the Oh Pioneer Day post. I enjoyed that perspective as well.
I will now have to follow this story until it ends. And originally I just showed up for the nurse romance book list because I thought it was bizarre.
Hey, this Chili’s date person isn’t a nurse, is she? That would just be TOO good.
Grettir,
Part One was enlightening and for those that know Debbie, completely within character.
Now that our refined and polite sister “Jack” (as in Jackie) has commented, you are four for four on all Kim’s sisters (Deborah, Jackie, Christine, and Michelle).
Wisely our brother does not get involved in these silly flirtations and carrying ons.
Jack – thinks for joining this saga!
Grettir – glad my sister could help you in establishing a slogan for your site! When I slightly mentioned over lunch about my sisters getting involved with a guy I had lunch with LAST time I was in Utah – I bet you had no idea you would soon be experiencing the tip of this iceberg
apaperbackwriter – you fit! consider yourself a sibling. I am the Chili’s date person – but no, I am not a nurse, nor have I a desire to be one. You are right though – Anyone know a nurse we could set Grettir up with?
Deborah – Thanks for the role call… we are all here!
Sorry I got confused there. Well, thanks for welcoming me into the family, Kim. I hope to keep all my new sisters straight as I read this saga through to the end….
Wow. I drop by for nurse books and end up reading a soap opera and gaining four sisters. It’s been quite a week.
I will note with some impatience that it is tomorrow now, but that issues aside, I wish Grettir would use his technological savvy to make possible a two column posting so that the Chili’s date person,aka Kim, could provide her account of THE date alongside that of Grettir’s. (as an aside, I think “the Chile’s date person” has great potential as a concept for a marketing campaign. Sadly I will have to wait at least until tomorrow to read whatever version of the story does appear or any ideas on the marketing front as I live in the land of the Abenaki and my body has decided I too must be a person of the dawn, whether I want to be or not.
Yes, Brent, I agree. I mean, I’m dropping in all the way from England (hence the weird post times appearing with my name– it’ s not really just past midnight where I am), hoping to read the rest of this, and part 2 isn’t posted yet…..
Ah, such is life.
Not a pushy sister-in-law (only asked once). Pushy friend, perhaps. Now, I depart and leave the rest to the two of you to figure out. (First time I have ever been on one of these sites and will probably be the last. I find it is far too easy to say things over the internet, when you are not looking someone in the eye or talking to them in person. Far too dangerous for my liking). May I suggest the phone, then your thoughts would be private (unless of course that defeats the purpose of this whole… what is this exactly?) I think you may find that many people will have A LOT to say, for this I apologize and wish you the best of luck! Farewell!!!!
(Although isn’t some sort of payment due?)
Yente
Oh my oh my oh my.
The earth is actually being separated in two as we speak. Grettir goes to lunch. With. A. Girl! Oh to be a fly on the wall a Chilis! Well, there were probably of few of them, but they don’t or won’t talk.
Kim, yes, we’d love to hear your side of the story. It must’ve been some sort of a likeable event or you wouldn’t be here. heh heh, disinterested passer-by says…