It started as corporate self-promotion. Those little plastic screens that you find in the bottom of urinals used to simply say:

Sanitized by Swisher

…but it soon evolved into lifestyle advice:

Sanitized by Swisher
Say No To Drugs

I’m sure that there were quite a few heroin addicts who were persuaded to reform after being lectured by a bathroom fixture, but I resent the rather sexist implication that urinal users are the only ones in need of drug-free advice. I hope that the tampon dispensers in the Ladies’ room carry the same words of wisdom.

Then they decided that you would take investment advice from a urinal:

Sanitized by Swisher
A Publicly Traded Company

After hearing his colleagues brag about their portfolios all afternoon, Mr. Robertson excused himself from the table and strode toward the bathroom. “I need a new investment strategy,” he muttered under his breath. “I have an impeccably balanced portfolio with asset allocations in line with my personal goals and retirement time line, but something seems to be missing. <zip> Hmm… Perhaps the world’s leading restroom hygiene service provider holds the key to my financial future.

And now they want to lure you to their Web site:

Sanitized by Swisher

…where you are greeted by a Flash animation with background music rivaling that of the finest porn films. You can also view a video presentation extolling the virtues of becoming a Swisher franchisee where they actually use the word “pilferage” and discuss the glamorous possibilities of working with such “blue chip companies” as Dunkin Donuts and AMF Bowling Centers.

Why can’t they let a urinal just be a urinal?