I woke up at 1:30 a.m. Thursday morning with the distinct impression that I should buy a new car. Being broke, this didn’t make a lot of sense.

“Surely,” I thought to myself, “in my current financial situation there’s no way in the world that I can afford to buy a new car.”

But after lying in my bed for an hour, unable to shake the feeling, I got up and started doing the math and soon realized that there was no way in the world I could afford not to buy a new car. So, I’d like to introduce you to Watson, my new 2004 Honda Element.

Watson, My Dear Element

Watson is going to be a total babe magnet, I can feel it. After all:

  1. Watson will save me over $200/month in reduced car payments, improved fuel economy, and lower insurance rates. Chicks dig fiscal responsibility.

  2. Watson is black. Black is slimming.

  3. Three words: Composite body panels.

  4. Hondas practically scream “TESTOSTERONE!”

  5. Watson is boxy and practical, thus he will attract females who are…also…boxy…and…um…practical.

OK, perhaps I didn’t think that last one through well enough…